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| Why Can't America Figure It Out?
Why are we even bothering to hold an election?
On one side, we have a bitch who is a lawyer, married to a lawyer . . .
and a lawyer who is married to a bitch who is a lawyer.
On the other side, we have a war hero married to a good looking woman with big tits who owns a beer distributorship.
Is there a contest here?"
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| A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the
> stranger turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that
> flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow
passenger.'
>>
> The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and
> said to the stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
>
> 'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about nuclear power?'
> and he smiles.
>
> 'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic. But let me
> ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same
stuff, grass - . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out
> a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you
> suppose that is?'
>
> The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence,
> thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'
>
> To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to
> discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?
|
| Our troops in Afghanistan prove they’ve retained their sense of humor with the following “You may be a Taliban if…”
1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth
4. You wipe your butt with a bare left hand, but consider bacon “unclean.”
5. You think vests come in two styles: bulletproof and suicide.
6. You can’t think of anyone you haven’t declared Jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
9. You’ve often uttered the Phrase “I love what you’ve done with your cave.”
10. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.
11. You bathe at least once a month whether you need it or not.
12. You have a crush on your neighbor’s goat.
|
| All at once. If you think of any non-represented groups, please feel free to add your joke!
Let's offend everyone
Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat
Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A. A different bar
Q. What did the Chinese couple name their retarded baby?
A. Sum Ting Wong
Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment
Q. What does it mean when the Post Office's flag is flying at Half-mast?
A. They're hiring
Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A. Because they're not going to work in the future either.
Q. What do you call a Mississippi farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A. A pimp.
Q. Why do Driver Education classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Education class uses it.
Q. What's the difference between a Southern Zoo and a Northern Zoo?
A. The Southern Zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage - along with a recipe.
Q How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the "F" word?
A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell "BINGO!"
Q. What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale???
A. A Northern fairytale begins, "Once upon a time..."
A Southern fairytale begins, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit."!
Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in The United States!
|
| Men Are Just Happier People-- Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station's bathroom because this one is just too disgusting! You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks and engines. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a ten -pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. When you go out to buy something you do not get distracted by a nice outfit, or some other shopping item. You never have bra strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a penknife. You have the freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
You don't go insane every 28 days.
No wonder men are happier.
|
| mopak wrote on Mar 27
It is good to know that you really did not mean to offend slyvia. But it was a shock to find such a thing in my mail box from slyvia's blog. I was offended and almost all the people who participate in discussions on Slyvia's blog as we are christians and hate vulgar and dirty language. I hope that we will continue to build each other as we enjoy each others ideas. I appreciate you replying to my comment. Thank you
ithankyou
ithankyou wrote on Mar 27
mopak or whatever your name is anyway. that was already explained to sylvia. it was a picture of a huge dog and a small one saying "fuck you". please look at the cartoon before you get offended. it means that even a small dog MAY speak out his/her mind. in fact, check bugsey's guestbook and most in her friends and it is also there and she fully understood what i meant. if i meant to offend sylvia, do you think i would also offend my friends who share the same ideas as i have?
btw, don't you have a real blog?
mopak
mopak wrote on Mar 26
Hi. I would like to express my disappointment regarding the comment you posted to Sylvia's site regarding the article and comments on Obama. It was very cruel and crude. Please we would appreciate having clean discussions. |
| Re: Obama's RACIST Speech! Mar 20, '08 5:07 PM by charles for users ithankyou and clas1700 clas1700 clas1700 Where do you get this stuff....Do you just make it up? reply 3 Comments ithankyou edit delete reply ithankyou wrote today at 6:22 AM read the news clas1700 reply clas1700 wrote today at 9:38 AM, edited today at 9:42 AM Okay..Okay You got me...most of the stuff is not 'NEWS' so it's a little difficult for me to find, when I read the 'news'. However when I'm looking for 'FAKE NEWS' it's all over the place, I guess that's what you were reading. PLEASE Open your mind 'STICK' to the 'FACTS' and you will realize or even discover It's all bullsh**t. Don't be a racist ithankyou edit delete reply ithankyou wrote today at 10:19 AM http://www.iht.com/articles/2008/03/18/america/18obamaspeech.phpthat's the international herald so i am sticking to the the facts and that is the whole speech. learn how to read! it's not even my blog you're talking about! |
| http://lashawnbarber.com/archives/2006/10/25/why-barack-obama-is-overrated/I am sure than some people will get offended again, but Barack Obama won by "default". The Republican who won the primary, Jack Ryan, resigned from his Senate campaign in disgrace after it was revealed that he tried to force his beautiful wife into sadistic sex with other men. Obama had already won the Democratic primary, so the Republicans imported Alan Keyes from Connecticut or wherever he lived. It was such a transparent ploy that no one, and I am hardly exaggerating when I say no one, voted for Keyes. Keyes ran the type of bizarre campaign one would expect from a right wing radio host.He was unable to debate Obama on any of the issues. Instead, Keyes attacked Obama's racial heritage, alleging that Obama was not really black because his ancestors were not slaves. He also falsely claimed that Obama supported sex ed for kindergartners. Those were the two main pillars of Keyes campaign. Oddly, the Obama is not black and sex ed for kindergartners attacks were tried out by one of Obama's opponents a few months ago and predictably they did not gain much national traction. See this comment on that LINK: # You know Obama won by default in my home state of Illinois. If I recall he was running against Bob Ryan and Mr. Ryan’s divorce proceedings were made public by the MSM. They were supposed to be sealed court documents. Well Mr. Ryan was a little freaky with his private life with his ex-wife. So he dropped out, leaving the Illinois GOP to get Alan Keyes to run against Obama. In the debates he cleaned Obama’s clock but Keyes is from Maryland and Illinois politics are a different animal. It never ceases to amaze me how the MSM will torpedo a conservative candidate that is winning in order to get their agenda fulfilled. That is how we ended up with Sen. Obama. I don’t think much of him. I am from the South Side of Chicago myself and most of the blacks voted for him based on his skin color. That same mindset applied when Carol Moseley Braun was elected too. Remember how she turned out. A liberal is a liberal just as a cobra is a cobra. Comment by Warrior Nurse — 10.25.06 @ 8:57 am |
 | oops | Mar 21, '08 7:30 AM
by Rene for everyone |
| It took me a while to reply..sorry about that..hope you are not offended..LMAO Thanks for the invite dear..look forward to hanging out!! |
| Hey folks we made it to 20 members !! Hopefully we can keep growing and get all the other folks out there tired of the whining and moaning by people that need to just get a life !!
And always remember our group motto: Offend an offended person when ever you can ! |
| http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/education/article1600686.eceWTF!!!! I am so offended that teaching that the Holocaust really happened can be offensive to "some cultures" (WHY DON'T THEY SAY TO THE CRAZY ISLAMICS). The Holocaust happened despite the fact that these Islamofacist morons say that it did NOT. If we do NOT get OFFENDED by their GETTING offended by REAL HISTORY we are as bad as they are.Why re-write history so as "not to offend" them? Instead history should be taught as is, including the fact that Moe was a pedo! Dang! |
| The Differences In Morphology Of The Male Brain Versus The Female Brain. While outwardly there are no physical differences between the structure of the male and the female brain, the similarities of function are few and far from subtle. There are major differences in the electro-chemical processes that control the way information is processed and stored and the ability to focus without distraction. This phenomenon is best illustrated to the layperson by taking the simple test supplied below. This test is designed for the mature adult mind. Please follow the supplied link and take the test. Please report the results of your test in the comments below. Most females will require only one attempt to get the correct answer. It took myself 26 attempts to master this test. Good Luck. http://www.gjk2.com/test/test.swf |
| RETIREMENT PLANNING
If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.
With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.00.
With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.
If you had purchased $1000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left
If you had purchased United Airlines you would have nothing left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, You would d have had $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. It's called the 401-Keg Plan
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| "In the first place we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the man's becoming in very fact an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag, and this excludes the red flag, which symbolizes all wars against liberty and civilization, just as much as it excludes any foreign flag of a nation to which we are hostile...We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language...and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people." Theodore Roosevelt, from a letter he wrote to the president of the American Defense Society on January 3, 1919, three days before he died. (incorrectly dated in various emails and blogs around the internet as 1907... http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bl_roosevelt_on_immigrants.htm) ~Shaggy  |
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